Blue Sky

by Nat Budin

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1.
When I came to Bellingham, it felt like a constant battle To learn this city’s unfamiliar ways My friends back home would ask me how was it in Seattle And after I corrected them, I’d say Although I don’t quite fit in, I find that I’m quite smitten I’m not quittin’, I’m admittin’ it today… I don’t run enough, I don’t hike enough, I don’t like riding a bike enough They don’t care, they accept me anyway I’m not cool enough, I’m not cute enough, I don’t appreciate fruit enough But I’m a Hamster for a year and that’s okay The corner of West North Street and Northwest Avenue They tell me Boston’s hard to get around in Just get into your car and head in any old direction Before long you’ll be driving up a mountain I’m in constant locomotion, I’ve got a simple notion And the ocean’s magic potion’s in my brain… I’m not green enough, I’m not chill enough, I don’t like walking uphill enough I’m a liberal but not in the right way I’m not thin enough, I’m not queer enough, I don’t like drinking craft beer enough But I’m a Hamster for a year and that’s ok When I came to Bellingham, I had some expectations I steeled myself for months of constant rain But everything’s so beautiful I’d come here on vacation Make a side trip to Vancouver once again The prospect is intriguin’, I might become a vegan Walk a league without fatigue and never stray… I’m not hip enough or type B enough, I don’t like using PCs enough I don’t even know how roller derby’s played I don’t laugh enough, I don’t smile enough, I don’t even like Ryan Stiles enough But I’m a Hamster for a year and that’s, no matter how I might appear, it’s just I’m not weird enough, I’m not slow enough, I’m not pissed about GMOs enough I sometimes eat fast food on Samish Way I’m not punk enough, I’m not hot enough, and I don't vaporize pot enough But I’m a Hamster for a year, I’ll even try the beer I’m a Hamster for a year and that’s ok
2.
Lifeline 02:35
The darkness, the silence The fear that cuts into me The danger, the promise The desperate need to be free And if I make it out alive I'll see you on the other side Right now all we can do is just hold on There's a lifeline reaching through the blackest night There's a lifeline waiting for your final flight There's a lifeline stretching to the edge of dawn There's a lifeline telling you to just hold on I sat there, I waited Just counting stars and marking time A moment, my one chance Step forward, reaching for the line And if I make it out alive I'll see you on the other side But there's no time to think it through, so just hold on There's a lifeline reaching through the blackest night There's a lifeline waiting for your final flight There's a lifeline stretching to the edge of dawn There's a lifeline telling you to just hold on They say it's perilous out there But baby I don't even care Better to die trying to fly than to stay here on the ground Sensation, elation A chill that cuts me to the bone No time for misgivings I'm soaring out to the unknown And if I make it out alive I'll see you on the other side But now there's nothing else to do but just hold on There's a lifeline reaching through the blackest night There's a lifeline waiting for your final flight There's a lifeline stretching to the edge of dawn There's a lifeline telling you to just hold on There's a lifeline heading to another place There's a lifeline flying through the dead of space There's a lifeline coming that'll soon be gone And it's coming for you, so just hold on
3.
Wonderland 03:54
They call it Wonderland The very last stop on the line A derelict beach, some broken down buildings A wonder that faded with time And on that frozen shore I stood and stared out at the mist Your back was to me, as you picked through the shells And I ached for the signs I had missed And I wondered if we could persist I walked on the sand, never holding your hand Ashamed and alone with regret The sounds of the sea, a sustained memory A wrong I can never forget How cruel of Wonderland To leave me alone with my thoughts Replaying a moment forever And tying myself into knots The waves crashed on the shore Taking the sand with the tide If only I could throw my thoughts in the sea And leave all my guilt cast aside My conscience could be purified I walked on the sand, never holding your hand A trial I put myself through The sounds of the sea, a sustained memory And through it, I never really saw you It’s been years since Wonderland We left it behind long ago But I keep coming back, I don’t really know why There’s something I just can’t let go I’m not done with this place Or maybe it’s not done with me The cold and the fog bring back who I was And who I continue to be As I wander alone by the sea
4.
Free 03:06
We were so good for one another But that was long ago You wanted me and I wanted you But we change and grow And when you told me it was over, that we could not go on The dark of my despair gave way to breaking dawn I thought I needed you to make me I thought that leaving you would break me My desperation made me take the only road I thought I had, and suddenly I’m free We said some things to one another Some stuff we didn’t mean And the future that’s before us I could not have foreseen So you said you didn’t mean it, and you want me to return But now I’ve tasted freedom, and the power I have earned I thought I needed you to make me I thought that leaving you would break me You were the one who sent me off to sea And now this ship has sailed, and suddenly I’m You could have had me but you let me go (you let me go) Now I’ve seen beyond the status quo (status quo) The whole wide world is opening up to me I thought I needed you to make me (never thought it would end like this) I thought that leaving you would break me (never knew what I wouldn't miss) I cried for hours when you told me it was over (now it's over and) But I’m done, and suddenly I’m Free
5.
Dr. Google 03:17
There’s a pain in my head, it started on Sunday I was thinking about all I had to do on Monday Is it safe to go out, what the hell is wrong with me Got a $20 copay so I turned to WebMD Arterial tearing, acute sinusitis Inner ear infection or encephalitis Got a panic disorder I got about my headache But it’s probably Cancer, Cancer There’s a rumor that a tumor is always the answer Melanoma, carcinoma, lymphoma, Oklahoma Can’t be aging, so I’m paging Dr. Google Called in sick and thought I’d have a quiet day alone with me But the contents of my colon spoke up to disagree I’m glued to the toilet, stuck here all alone Why could this be happening, thank god I have my phone Hepatitis A, Hepatitis B, Lactose intolerance or Hepatitis C Celiac disease or gas station sushi But it’s probably Cancer, Cancer There’s a rumor that a tumor is always the answer Melanoma, carcinoma, lymphoma, Oklahoma Bowels raging, so I’m paging Dr. Google Causes shown here are commonly associated with this symptom Work with your health care professional for an accurate diagnosis Got a phone call from my boss, said don’t bother coming in 30 sick days in the red and my patience has worn thin After that I felt so awful I could not get out of bed Is there something really wrong or is this in my head Munchausen’s disorder, Bipolar Type 2 Moderate depression, Schizophrenia, the flu Histrionic personality or chronic fatigue But it’s probably Psychosis, Psychosis Rule out all the others it’s the only diagnosis I’m simply going crazy, put that straitjacket on me When they take me away, I hope they have the cure for Cancer, Cancer No more health insurance so the internet’s my answer Melanoma, carcinoma, lymphoma, Oklahoma No more stalling, so I’m calling Dr. Google
6.
Workers of the world, it’s time to stand and fight We have taken far too much, it’s time that we unite We are working every day, never getting any pay, There must be a better way, so now It’s time to form an emotional labor union It’s time to form an emotional labor union Your mom has a birthday, but you can’t recall the date You want to tell me all about the coworkers you hate This is not my freakin’ job, just to listen to you sob, Now I’m raising up a mob, to say It’s time to form an emotional labor union It’s time to form an emotional labor union We’re a bargaining collective With newfound union power And we’ll listen to your problems For fifty bucks an hour And our contract is up for renegotiation We want 4 weeks paid emotional vacation Will you join us in our cause though the fight be long and hard? If you do emotional labor you can get your union card You must be out or in, for it’s time that we begin, We will fight and we will win, today It’s time to join the emotional labor union It’s time to join the emotional labor union
7.
Life is beautiful But we only can enjoy it for a time Some of us live for many years But you were cut down in your prime And I’m sorry that we had to say goodbye And I’m sorry that you met this tragedy And I’m sorry that I couldn’t save your life that night I’m sorry that I lost you, my white iPhone 3G You were the most loyal of friends A constant companion of my own You stayed by my side till the end Even though you were just a phone And I’m sorry it was I that did you in And I’m sorry that you met this tragedy And I’m sorry that I couldn’t save your life that night I’m sorry that I killed you, my white iPhone 3G ’Twas a bitter cold night in New England And I had been up far too late Fell asleep on the couch with the TV still on And opened my eyes, half-awake My pants lay beside me in a pile on the couch A cup of milk sat on the chair And you, my poor iPhone, sat all by yourself How was I to get you upstairs? I groggily searched for ideas And figured a way to take you up I would carry my pants in my right arm And balance the phone atop the cup And I’m sorry that I’m stupid when I’m sleepy And I’m sorry that I that I doze off from TV And I’m sorry that I don’t have a steadier hand I’m sorry that I drowned you, my white iPhone 3G My white iPhone 3G
8.
Should have known you were trouble before we even met The red flags were were waving, I just didn't see them yet Then you walked into the room like the thunder rolling in And the longing in your eyes sent a shiver through my skin I was foolish, I was trusting, I was easily misled Should have done this long ago Stop, sit down, this is an intervention and I Hope my words can reach you somehow, cause I’ve Got some things that I’ve been afraid to mention But I think I’m going to mention them now I can only imagine what your therapist must think Having you for a patient is driving her to drink You’re not capable of happiness, you can’t be satisfied There’s a hunger deep inside of you that will not be denied Everyone who tries to feed it will only be devoured This is where I draw the line Stop, sit down, this is an intervention and I Hope my words can reach you somehow, cause I’ve Got some things that I’ve been afraid to mention But I think I’m going to mention them now And someday I hope you’re happy, but I won’t be around I’ve been swimming in this ocean; I won’t stay until I drown I’ve done everything I can for you; I leave you with my words May you find your peace someday Stop, sit down, this is an intervention and I Hope that you remember someday, and I’m Sorry this was how I got your attention But it’s just that there was no other way
9.
Your Mom 02:55
You can pick your friends And you are a very good friend but you Cannot pick your family Although I actually do like my family, and you Can’t pick the families of your friends And so on and so on until the end And you don’t have to be friends with your friends’ families What I’m really trying to say here is I blocked your mom on Facebook It felt so good and I have no regrets It asked me “are you sure” and I said “hell yes” And I blocked her I blocked your mom on Facebook I just couldn’t take anymore of the stress I don’t care if she knows, I just know that I need To get your mom off my feed I like you a lot You’ve been a positive presence in my life since we met And I Value your opinions on many subjects And the most amazing thing about you is How different you are from the bigot that raised you Like, you’re hardly even anti-Semitic at all Just a little bit I blocked your mom on Facebook And now I don’t have to see any more QAnon I don’t even really know which post did it I just woke up and blocked her I blocked your mom on Facebook COVID was not made in a lab in Wuhan I don’t care if she knows, I just know that I need To get your mom off my feed Was it really your mom or a Russian bot? Or maybe a sentient ocelot? Whatever, I don’t care anymore I blocked your mom on Facebook And your dad is on thin ice, by the way I’m sorry you that have to stay friends with them Cause I blocked her I blocked your mom on Facebook She copy/pastes Alex Jones at least twice a day I don’t care if she knows, I just know that I need To get your mom off my feed To get your mom off my feed
10.
Sleepless 04:33
Now I lay me down to bed Fearful of the day ahead The enemy inside my mind To restless night I lie resigned The demon of fear and the demon of doubt Scream in my ear and I can't get 'em out The panic inside and the impotent rage Look at myself, don't see how I can change Don't think I'm asking too much I never asked for too much Just wanna make everybody happy all the I never asked for too much I don't see how it's too much Just wanna make everybody happy all the time Did my small remark offend? I never meant to hurt a friend Please excuse my attitude I know that I can be so rude If I ask pardon, or offer excuse Will I absolve myself or just confuse? Are we ok or have I overstepped? If I am forgiven, then can I accept? Don't think I'm asking too much I never asked for too much Just wanna make everybody happy all the I never asked for too much I don't see how it's too much Just wanna make everybody happy all the How could anybody like me? Can't they see through my facade? How could I or anybody Have the nerve to be so flawed? I try to escape but I can't get away I'm stuck with my demons in bed where I lay A state of tranquility soon may I keep It probably would help if I ever could sleep Don't think I'm asking too much I never asked for too much Just wanna make everybody happy all the I never asked for too much I don't see how it's too much Just wanna make everybody happy all the I never asked for too much I don't see how it's too much Just wanna make everybody happy all the I never asked for too much I don't see how it's too much Just wanna make everybody happy all the time
11.
I’m sorry, Dad You seem upset You’re driving Kitty To the vet My lunch got in her bowl Somehow, I suppose But it wasn’t me It was the ghost I’m sorry, Mom Your foot’s in pain Because it landed on My model train I put that thing away An hour ago So it wasn’t me It was the ghost For you see Back in the 18th century There was a little old lady who lived in this very home And she fell down a well and died And it was sad and everyone cried But her spirit rose from the grave and began to roam And she loved children And she loved kitties And she hates it when mean parents make their children and their kitties eat disgusting food that they don’t like so stop it okay!!! I’m sorry, Dad It’s not my fault That Mrs. Perkins switched the sugar And the salt Some salty coffee With your toast I guess you should Not mess with ghosts You bought a house It came with a ghost Cause it wasn’t me It was the ghost
12.
Boat on the river Head for the sea The current flowing Gonna take my paddle And set it free Just stop rowing I will reach my goal I don’t need control This too shall pass This too shall pass, but Only if you let it Only if you let it This too shall pass This too shall pass, but Only if you let it Only if you let it Soft summer rain washes Dust of the day The world is glistening Wind at my back, won’t you Take me away I am listening A rustle in the trees A whisper in the breeze This too shall pass This too shall pass, but Only if you let it Only if you let it This too shall pass This too shall pass, but Only if you let it Only if you let it
13.
My granddad was a mining man And my daddy was one too And the noble work of the mining trade Is the life I was born to, boys The life I was born to I toil all day in darkness For the coins I can obtain And I’ll run this Bitcoin mining rig To work the old blockchain, boys Work the old blockchain And it’s hash all day and it’s hash all night Keep the GPUs online Millionaires we’ll be, for it grows on trees In the heat of the Bitcoin mine I’ve set up my computers In a rack in the living room I built it out of some plastic totes And some blankets and a broom, boys Blankets and a broom When my wife saw this contraption She was filled with qualms and doubt She said that thing was a fire risk And her fears were soon borne out, boys But I quickly put it out And it’s hash all day and it’s hash all night Keep the GPUs online Millionaires we’ll be, for it grows on trees In the heat of the Bitcoin mine 400 billion hashes Every second I’ll assay And every hash turns to cold hard cash Sixty cents a day, boys Sixty cents a day I’ll keep them in my wallet And I’ll watch their worth compound For the Bitcoin’s price will go up and up And never will come down, boys It never will come down And it’s hash all day and it’s hash all night Keep the GPUs online Millionaires we’ll be, for it grows on trees In the heat of the Bitcoin mine, boys The heat of the Bitcoin mine
14.
It's Not Me 03:56
It was a busy week Then a busy month Now it’s two months without you And I've begun to doubt you When you say That someday you’ll find The time to just be with me The energy to kiss me It’s not me It’s not me It’s not personal, it was just a small Matter of priority It’s not me No, it’s not me It was not the plan when this thing began It’s just what it’s got to be I know you have your work I would do the same You have your aspirations You toil with dedication Towards your goal Which is not where I am Diversion and attraction My love is a distraction It’s not me It’s not me It’s not personal, it was just a small Matter of priority It’s not me No, it’s not me It was not the plan when this thing began It’s just what it’s got to be Love is limitless But time is not Love is frivolous But hard forgot And I believe you love me And I believe you care And I want you to be happy Even if I won’t be there It’s not me It’s not me It’s not personal, it was just a small Matter of priority It’s not me No, it’s not me It was not the plan when this thing began It’s just what it’s got to be No, it’s not me It’s not me Yeah, I got the news that you had to choose What’s important to you today And it’s not me No, it’s not me I wish you’d said at first, this whole thing was cursed But now I’ll be on my way
15.
I Got an App 03:36
Thanks for coming out today, I know you’re really slammed But this meeting will go down in history I feel a little jealous when I look at you today Because you’re just so lucky you met me I’m sure our business interests will align Let’s dive right into this, I don’t wanna waste your time Cause I got an app, and I know it’ll be the next Instagram, you see I got screenshots in this notebook that I drew All that we need before we upload is the servers, the art and the code And I’m sure that those all are things that you will do Cause I got an app It’s gonna be the next big thing, it’s like Tinder, but for kids I think that that description says it all I’m gonna run this company just like Jack Dorsey did With ping-pong tables and free alcohol We’re gonna make the world a better place And when we pivot, send our options into outer space Cause I got an app, and I know it’ll be the next Spotify, you see I got mind maps in this notebook that I drew All that we need before we upload is the servers, the art and the code And I’m sure that those all are things that you will do I’ll go look for venture funding And so you won’t be seeing much of me And I’ll pay you in exposure By which I mean you’re doing it for free Work with me and I’m confident our skills will synergize Because, you see, I’ve thought of everything For instance, now, we haven’t got the funds to advertise So we’ll rely on viral marketing Tell your Facebook friends it’s too good to miss Because I don’t have any since the last time I did this And I got an app, and I know it’ll be the next Hot or Not, you see I got pitch decks in this notebook that I drew All that we need before we upload is the servers, the art and the code And I’m sure that those all are things that you will do Cause I got an app I got an app
16.
ZOMG 02:46
When I met you, I felt like such a n00b I didn’t understand the way you talk You told me to DM you and I said “what do you mean?” You said “LMGTFY, MuckRock!” You linked me to a page on a web site With a document I read all the way through Eighty-three whole pages filled with tiny acronyms And now this is what I have to say to you: OMG, (oh my god) YMMS (you make me smile) XTC, XO XO ZOMG, (zoh my god), IRLY (I really like you) GTG; TTYL! YATB, IMHO. It’s harder to express yourself on Twitter You have to keep your messages so short So we abbreviate them, but in order to translate them, You’re gonna need this FBI report It was helpfully obtained by a reporter With a Freedom of Information Act request Now instead of “hi, good morning!” I can tell you HGM And this is how I tell you you’re the best: HAY, (how are you?) ITILU (I think I love you) XTC, XO XO OMZ, (oh my Zeus) IPN (I’m posting naked) GTG; TTYL! YATB, IMHO. IITYWTMWYKM? (if I tell you what this means, will you kiss me?) Or maybe you’ll just tell me IIB (ignorance is bliss) It’s hard to do a Twitter LDR (long-distance relationship) And the TTF in this PDF is so damn hard to read I went to go RT you in the morning, But I found that you had linked to your FB Where I saw you less than threeing with your IRL BF Well, I think that I had really BBG GBML, (goodbye my love) ICBI (I can’t believe it) LUA (love you always), LGO (life goes on) FML, (fuck my life) IHA (I hate acronyms) L8R, TTFN, FOAD, GTFO.
17.
Better Days 02:11
In the new year this year I’m gonna get right I know I’ve been wrong in my ways Open my eyes and turn towards the light I’m moving up towards better days Cause I’m givin' up livin' for pie in the sky I’m stoppin’ my knockin' upon heaven’s door Forget higher power, let’s all just get high A hedonist forever more I’m done being saved I’m spending instead On cheesecake and women and wine No sense in saving your pie till you’re dead And pecan will suit me just fine Cause I’m givin' up livin' for pie in the sky I’m stoppin’ my knockin' upon heaven’s door Forget higher power, let’s all just get high A hedonist forever more You think everything that’s worth doing is sin You’ve self flagellated and prayed Stop waiting for saints to go marching in Just lay down your sins and get laid Cause I’m givin' up livin' for pie in the sky I’m stoppin’ my knockin' upon heaven’s door Forget higher power, let’s all just get high A hedonist forever more A hedonist forever more
18.
Thunderhead above the prairie The streets are silent in the town A baited trap for the unwary A loaded shotgun in my lap, my band all around I was forewarned of your arrival I saw the signs along the trail But now I’ll fight for our survival My people can’t afford to have me fail Stand and deliver your intention You’ve been preparing for this day since I don’t know when The time is past for your redemption The die is cast You can’t escape the fate that you made Stand and deliver You must have known from the beginning Exactly where this path would go You’ve placed a bet with all your winnings The cards are dealt; it’s gonna be one hell of a show Stand and deliver your intention You’ve been preparing for this day since I don’t know when The time is past for your redemption The die is cast You can’t escape the fate that you made Stand and deliver My neighbors form by me; you bring a storm that we Will surely weather You will not break us down; you will not take this town We stand together These roles in life are thrust upon us With me the ground, and you the mask We must accept them if we’re honest And if I die, I thank the Lord for setting my task When I was young, I asked my Papa What does it take to be a man? He said, “you get to pick your battles But when the time has come to face your fate, you must stand” Stand and deliver your intention You’ve been preparing for this day since I don’t know when The time is past for your redemption The die is cast You can’t escape the fate that you made Stand and deliver
19.
Gerda 02:25
Vienna in the spring Nineteen thirty-seven The rustle of leaves, the sounds of cafes It was heaven And Gerda was 20 years old, newly married She had to leave it all And go With danger behind her And the unknown ahead New York was a world of enchantment A promise of better just over the sea To the tired and the poor who, like Gerda, Huddled in masses and yearned to be free It’s nearly a hundred years on And I hear the war drumming I look at my countrymen At what we’re becoming And I know in my heart that if Gerda could see it She’d be dismayed To recognize clearly The ghosts she had fled from Inside her new home No more is the world of enchantment Now we are the dangerous place There’s families in peril, their home is a war zone We’re slamming the door in their face Vienna in the spring Nineteen thirty-seven
20.
I just got a spouse; we bought a fucking house In unincorporated Snohomish county Guess I’ll settle down, suburbanize, sell out Slip off my college gown and be a townie This land is fucking gorgeous, I love this fucking lawn Surrounded on all sides by thirty feet of hedge Which I’ve gotta trim Where did my weekend go? I just don’t fucking know I just went out my door to do some yard work The next thing that I see, the sky turned black on me All these gorgeous plants are fucking hard work How do these fucking yuppies own these fucking lawns There’s just got to be a better way When you’re feeling shitty cause your hedge is all fucked up There’s just one thing that you can do Go buy yourself a Black and Decker PowerCut Show those plants the one in charge is you With a hedge trimmer Can you believe my hedge? It’s got a perfect edge I’m outside with my trimmer every morning The neighbors look my way, and glower as they say “You really could have given me some warning” In yard work I am baptized, my soul is cleansed anew Mazel tov, today I am a man When you’re feeling shitty cause your hedge is all fucked up There’s just one thing that you can do Go buy yourself a Black and Decker PowerCut Return your masculinity to you With a hedge trimmer I ain’t got no HOA (so I gotta trim my fucking hedge) Got a 20-foot driveway (so I gotta trim my fucking hedge) Neighbors come by every day and then critique my hedge on Facebook I just looked out my door - no neighbors anymore And winding down the street, a trail of bodies I heard a piercing yell, just like a hound from hell My yard was overrun by fucking zombies And in that very moment, I knew what I must do I went to the garage and found my friend When you’re seeing zombies creeping through your neighborhood There’s just one thing that you can do Go buy yourself a Black and Decker PowerCut And keep your brains inside of you With a hedge trimmer

credits

released September 4, 2020

Dr. Google and Better Days written by Nat Budin and Susan Weiner
All other tracks written by Nat Budin
Guitar, lead vocals, MIDI programming, and editing by Nat Budin
Vocals on Wonderland by Viktoriya Fuzaylova, Terri Weiner, and Rob Lopresti
Vocals on Hamster for a Year, Free, It Was the Ghost, ZOMG, and Better Days by Viktoriya Fuzaylova
Electric guitars on Wonderland by Gary Wales
Flute on This Too Shall Pass by Alexandria Wilkie
Cover photo by Viktoriya Fuzaylova

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Nat Budin Mill Creek, Washington

Nat Budin is a singer, songwriter, and producer in the Seattle area, making heartfelt comedy pop and folk music. He's also been a member of the bands Stranger Ways, The Crisis Center, and Klezmoratorium.

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